Why Ultron was especially scary to me

While I don't think this post will have any big spoilers for the plot of Avengers age of Ultron, it will have a lot on my thoughts on the movies villain, so I suggest you not read this until after you have seen the movie, even if only because it won't make much sense. And it will probably still spoil enough to annoy you. Yes, you, I'm talking to you. You have been warned.

Ultron scared me. He didn't creep me out, he wasn't especially freaky as villains go, but the idea of him scared me. At first glance he might seem like your cliche robot genius, but upon further inspection he is really the scariest robot villain I may have ever seen in a movie.
Because in other stories, even the artificial intelligence robots make sense in their actions. They are usually emotionless, calculating, planning. They are robots. Ultron scared me because he is a robot that I cannot relate to at all in any of the senses I normally relate to a robot.
But I can still relate to him. And that scares me.
Unlike other robot villains I've seen, Ultron will usually act upon his emotion. Emotion is something most robots don't have, and even when they do in stories, almost always something held in check, hidden by a blank face and glowing stare. Ultron made little to no effort to hide his emotions.
If you know me in real life, you probably know that I don't deal very well with the emotions of others. Not in the way that I react badly to it, but in the way your average highschooler doesn't deal very well with their math homework. I don't understand it, and see no reason it should exist, much less be upon my shoulders to achieve something with it.
It's not that I don't have emotions, I just don't let most of them surface, because I see no reason to let them and I have the power to stop them.
So back to Ultron. He is more than an artificial intelligence, because he not only has the ability to think freely, he has the ability to feel freely.
Some see Ultron's plan as a gaping plot hole. After downloading himself into the internet, (spoiler alert!) he could of caused so much destruction then. But he didn't.
I think this is intentional. He knows so much from being able to download it. He knows not only facts, but he knows stories. He knows that in stories, both sides have a chance. Hope is at the center of all stories, for both sides.
I think Ultron doesn't care about winning. He cares about the fight. He could have nuked avengers tower, done. If he was being stricly logical, he would have done that. But that would have boring.
He wants to earn his win. He wants to prove himself, to himself.
I think what disgusted himself about the human race was the same things that disgusted him about himself. I remember him talking very little about how weak they were, though there was some.
I remember how he talked to the Avengers a lot about how they were monsters, how they were evil and deserved to lose. They were monsters. And he made a point.
They were monsters because they created him. He knew that he was a monster. But he knew because he knew the humans were a race of monsters, and he was like them.
The insane, evil, twisted, destructive, maniacal, villain thought he was like a human. And that's scary. Because I think he was right.
But he's not exactly like a human. He's a robot that was given the gift of humanity; the gift of free choice.
The entire movie, he's playing with that gift. He knows what he would do if he were still a machine, so he acts in spite of it. He is amazed at this gift, yet fears it. He fears it, because he knows everybody else has it as well.
In the beginning, God gave us free choice. Then he gave us a rule. The first humans, Adam and Eve, used their free choice to break the rule. Because they wanted to. Emotions.
Free choice is an amazing gift. It let's us choose our side. We can help, or we can harm. It is what let's responsibility exist.
Robots have no responsibility because they have no free choice. They must do as they are programmed to do.
Emotions are an amazing gift. They let us react to free choice. Ours or other's choices. It's what makes responsibility matter.
Robots have no responsibility because they have no emotions. They can not fathom why anything other than what they are programmed to do would matter.
Ultron has free choice. Ultron has emotions. And he uses them to make the wrong choices. Like humans sometimes do.
Ultron is a genius, he has more knowledge than every human. He knows the choices he's making are
bad. But he makes them anyway. Like humans sometimes do.
That's what scares me.
What makes good villains scary is not the death stars or or doomsday devices, but their humanity. When you see someone doing horrible acts of evil, and you relate to that person, that is what is truly scary.

I'm not going to end on that note. Because there is another side of the coin. The by product of free choice and emotions is something else: Hope.
People can be the bad guys, because they are human. But people can also be the good guys. Because they are human.
Robots are neither good guys or bad guys. They can't be. They simply act upon their programming. They have no hope.
We are humans, and we have hope. I think that is what scared Ultron.

Why this blog has been empty

If I want to make excuses, I could say I've been so busy doing all sorts of projects to actually write about the projects I'm working on. It's true, I have been working on a lot of projects and blogging about them is usually not in the forefront of my priorities.

Or I could say my parents went on an anniversary getaway recently and I had to help keep the house from falling apart while they were away. Which is also true, but the blog was inactive before that.

But honestly, these excuses are only part of the reason this blog fell by the wayside. At the heart of the problem is my insufficient use of prioritizing projects (including but not limited to this blog) and using priorities in my time management.

Or, to put it simply, I keep forgetting to write for the blog. Which is why I must examine the very reason I started this blog in the first place: to connect my mind to the real world.

See, I think a lot. I mean a lot. On the Gallup's strength finders test I was not surprised to find my top strength is intellection. (which doesn't mean I'm smart, it just means I like to think) The blog is helpful to help me get my processed thoughts down, leaving me room to move on in my thinking and giving me a chance at a tidy organized thought process.

But that's not the only reason I have this blog. On the MBTI, I'm an INTJ, a personality that comes with a lot stereotypes affiliated with it. Mostly ones involving emotionless genius villains and a few annoying genius heroes. It also means I like to plan.

So I think. I plan. And on top of that, my next strength on the list is Learner, which means the only thing that comes close to thinking on the list of things I like to do is to learn new skills. Then I think about hat I've learned. So I learn, think, plan, learn, think, plan, and then I think about ways I can continue the cycle. 

Which brings me to the other reason I have this blog. Carrying out my plans.

In this world inside my head, I come with ideas, learn skills to better these ideas, plan ways to use these ideas and skills to create something new.

But most of it is inside my head. Which is where this blog comes in. Through the power of the English language, I can take these crazy ideas and intricate plans and imprint on a page using only twenty six letters, ten numerals, some punctuation, & a few special symbols (I'm looking at you ampersand). And maybe some charts and diagrams. Those are cool too.

Because it doesn't matter how horrifyingly useless a thought is. It can't do anything while it's inside my head.

Monthly (apparently) update!

Once again, almost a month since my last post... but I've been busy, and this time I have work to show for it!
First off, you can download the latest issue of the codex here. As usual, I am referred to as Evar-Scarcarver. The colored version of my drawing I posted earlier is on page 20, not that I'm encouraging you to skip pages. (Unless you are not a fan of Heroscape, in which case the magazine will be quite boring for you to read.)
Another big project I've been working on is Good Morning YouTube, which at the time of this posting has two episodes released on our channel and thirteen subscribers. We are also working on a website for it, and I am almost done editing the third episode.
So far both projects mentioned, (the HS Codex and GMYT) have been great, they've helped me learn to work on a team and helped me develop new skills.
Not only are these projects going to continue with updates, I have more projects and posts in the works, so expect more soon!

~TNL

A lame teaser for things

This is less of a post for my readership, and more of a post to remind me not to let this blog die. It's been nearly a month since I last posted, but it's been a busy month. Projects in the works that I could post about soon:

• A change of format for the magazine I volunteer at (The HS Codex)
• Several YouTube channels I am working on
• A colored version of the drawing I posted last month
• An update about the animated minecraft show I am helping to organize
• Plus a few philosophical posts about the state of the world that are currently in draft form

Hope to have more posts up soon!
~TNL

A drawing and a general update

This is a drawing I made for a magazine I've mentioned before that I volunteer at, (the HS codex. View the latest issue here. Just so you know, I am referred to as Evar-Scarcarver in this magazine) and I'm currently in the middle of coloring it using GIMP. I will try and post the finished version here when it's done, and I'll also try and post the issue it will appear in when it comes out.
In other news, I did a 24 hour music video challenge last week. Last Saturday, me and two of my sisters got up at 4:30, wrote a song, and spent the rest of the day recording audio and making a music video for it. One of my sisters has not yet signed off on the release of it to the public, but if that changes I'll probably post that here as well.
Also, my sister Elsie has recently moved her blog to a wordpress site, so I'll just leave a link to that here, so you can check her blog.
I think that's it for updating on my assorted art projects... Until next time!
~TNL

New design!

Since I'm getting this blog back up and running again, I decided to upgrade the design and logo. Hopefully this version flows better and is a lot easier to read. Let me know what you think in the comments!
~TNL

A geek of many trades

Okay, so I could apologize to my (non-existent) readership for not posting for so long. What has it, been? Nine, ten months? Who's counting anyway?
A lot has happened since my last blog post. I have formulated many a thought, continued my studies in many a field, and my family has moved to e new house.
Since I'm reviving this blog like a long dead computer from a different era, the first thing I must visit is the reason, the point of this blog. If you know me, you might know that I strongly dislike the pointless, and in the end that is why I find myself interested in so many topics, to discover the ideas and thoughts behind these arts and skills. And so I must examine the idea behind my own creation, the blog "A Geek of Many Trades".
They say necessity is he mother of invention, and I think the purpose of this blog begins at a problem. I think I originally created the blog because I simply liked the idea, but when I dig deeper into the matter, the real reason is because of the problem I have.
First, of all, back story. I'm an artist. I love to draw, enjoy writing, find happiness in playing music, and I like to dabble in assorted preforming arts (Magic/sleight of hand, acting, and stand-up comedy to name a few).
As with all good artists, I was a consumer before a creator, devouring all the art I could get my hands on, and like all good artists, even as I became a creator, I continued to consume, using other art to inspire my own, taking apart every drawing I saw, understanding the techniques used, dissecting the prose on the pages I read, researching storytelling techniques of the great writers, transcribing my favorite solos and riffs from all my favorite songs, creating new ones based off of the classics, and watching performances, enchanted by the pure skill and practiced inspiration of the many artists on this earth. And so I consumed and created, and the more I learned, the more I realized I did not know,
But back to my problem. There are so many tools for artists to use to create, and almost as many that artists can use to share their creativity. In this digital age, an artist can upload his creations to a multitude of different sites and release their imagination upon the world. Not only is this helpful for the creators, but it's helpful for the consumers, a virtual myriad of art anywhere where they can get an internet connection.
But I find myself avoiding using these tools to share my art, always with the same mantra in my mind, the same reason: It's not finished yet. Even in the physical realm, I have trouble sharing my art. Always the same excuse: It's not finished yet.
And even when it is finished, it's filed away, whether physically or virtually, and hidden with the excuse that it's not good enough. I know I can do better. So I have tons of art that I never share with people, either because "it's not done" or "it's not good enough".
Really, it boils down to the second one. It's not finished yet, so it's not good enough to show people. So at the heart of the matter, I don't share my art with the world because I don't think it's good enough. This is where we get to my problem.
See, my problem is not that I think that my art is not good enough. No, that's a symptom. The root of the problem is that I'm right, it's not good enough, and it's my fault. For you to really understand what I mean by this, you must first understand my views on the fundamental purposes of art in general.
When you look at- no, not look at. That term is too light. Anyone can look at something without really understanding or comprehending it. When you experience a piece of art, whatever form it may be in, you are judging. I guarantee it. I'm not saying your judging the worth of the art, or even necessarily the artist's skill, but you are judging something. Some pieces of art might have you judging a portion of their skill, maybe their ability to represent real life, maybe their handiwork with a brush. Hard hitting pieces of art will have you judging something bigger than the piece of art itself, maybe judging your thoughts, your life, the amount of time you spend with family, or even the state of the world.
In essence, art will point to something for you to think about, and whether it be the artist or the state of the economy of Asia, a good piece of art will try to change the way you think about a specific subject, even if this state of mind is temporary. I have termed this idea the impact of a piece of art. Each piece of art will have a different desired impact for the consumer, and accomplish it to different degrees. Depending on what the artist's goal is at the time of creating the art will change the impact it has on the audience.
Likewise, the consumer, his goals, thoughts, worldviews, opinions, even mood, and of course his understanding of the art he is consuming will effect the impact.
As I create a work of art, I will consider the impact I want it to have. That's part of my problem, I focus so much on that sometimes. I don't consider the art complete until it has an effect on me, the creator. Until the desired impact is impacts me.
that is my problem. I am correct in thinking that the art is not finished, because it is not up to my impossible standards. It's not good enough because the audience has booed it off the stage, the audience of one, the director.
So you see, there is my problem with sharing my art. I don't share my art because the people I show it too don't think it's good enough and I only show this art to myself.
It is one of those real life death spirals that can only be fixed by direct intervention of both sides, and that is what I want this blog to be. I want to create art, and share it with anyone who wants to see, whether it fits my standards of art or not. Because in the end, very little of my art will have any impact me. Any impact it would have had probably went on in the creation project. And if I'm honest, my favorite pieces of art, the ones with the most impact on me, are not any of the ones I put in a file in drawer somewhere in my room, not the ones that are sitting in some not often accessed portion of my computers memory, but the ones I've shown to people.
If I remember, one of the moments I really knew I loved being an artist, I was ten- maybe eleven? I don't remember my exact age. It was a family reunion type of thing, relatives distant and close all around, talking. I was sitting there, drawing. The drawing had no impact on me. It had gone from my mind onto the paper, and it was finished, and in my young mind, once the art was done, for me, it was useless. I simply enjoyed the process of creating, watching as my hands clutched the pencil, replicating a piece of my imagination onto the canvas in front of me. It was none of my concern what happened to it after I was done. One of my relatives saw the drawing, my great aunt I think, and loved it. I gave it to her, somehow a younger version of me understanding greater that art is meant to be consumed after it is created more than I do now.
We moved recently, and we have a bin full of old papers that I went through when we were packing. Even though I knew they were there in the back of my mind, I was kind of surprised to see a bunch of my old drawings, from when I was ten, nine, eight- sometimes younger. I can't say making these drawings had very large impact on me. But what made an impact on me more than any piece of art I've created, is watching the impact art has upon it's consumer.
What I often forget, is that art is made to be shared. That is the impact my art has on me. Me seeing the impact it has on the audience. That's what this blog is for. I'm releasing my art into the world, and anyone who wants to see it, can.
Because art that's not seen can never have any impact.

~TNL