Why Ultron was especially scary to me

While I don't think this post will have any big spoilers for the plot of Avengers age of Ultron, it will have a lot on my thoughts on the movies villain, so I suggest you not read this until after you have seen the movie, even if only because it won't make much sense. And it will probably still spoil enough to annoy you. Yes, you, I'm talking to you. You have been warned.

Ultron scared me. He didn't creep me out, he wasn't especially freaky as villains go, but the idea of him scared me. At first glance he might seem like your cliche robot genius, but upon further inspection he is really the scariest robot villain I may have ever seen in a movie.
Because in other stories, even the artificial intelligence robots make sense in their actions. They are usually emotionless, calculating, planning. They are robots. Ultron scared me because he is a robot that I cannot relate to at all in any of the senses I normally relate to a robot.
But I can still relate to him. And that scares me.
Unlike other robot villains I've seen, Ultron will usually act upon his emotion. Emotion is something most robots don't have, and even when they do in stories, almost always something held in check, hidden by a blank face and glowing stare. Ultron made little to no effort to hide his emotions.
If you know me in real life, you probably know that I don't deal very well with the emotions of others. Not in the way that I react badly to it, but in the way your average highschooler doesn't deal very well with their math homework. I don't understand it, and see no reason it should exist, much less be upon my shoulders to achieve something with it.
It's not that I don't have emotions, I just don't let most of them surface, because I see no reason to let them and I have the power to stop them.
So back to Ultron. He is more than an artificial intelligence, because he not only has the ability to think freely, he has the ability to feel freely.
Some see Ultron's plan as a gaping plot hole. After downloading himself into the internet, (spoiler alert!) he could of caused so much destruction then. But he didn't.
I think this is intentional. He knows so much from being able to download it. He knows not only facts, but he knows stories. He knows that in stories, both sides have a chance. Hope is at the center of all stories, for both sides.
I think Ultron doesn't care about winning. He cares about the fight. He could have nuked avengers tower, done. If he was being stricly logical, he would have done that. But that would have boring.
He wants to earn his win. He wants to prove himself, to himself.
I think what disgusted himself about the human race was the same things that disgusted him about himself. I remember him talking very little about how weak they were, though there was some.
I remember how he talked to the Avengers a lot about how they were monsters, how they were evil and deserved to lose. They were monsters. And he made a point.
They were monsters because they created him. He knew that he was a monster. But he knew because he knew the humans were a race of monsters, and he was like them.
The insane, evil, twisted, destructive, maniacal, villain thought he was like a human. And that's scary. Because I think he was right.
But he's not exactly like a human. He's a robot that was given the gift of humanity; the gift of free choice.
The entire movie, he's playing with that gift. He knows what he would do if he were still a machine, so he acts in spite of it. He is amazed at this gift, yet fears it. He fears it, because he knows everybody else has it as well.
In the beginning, God gave us free choice. Then he gave us a rule. The first humans, Adam and Eve, used their free choice to break the rule. Because they wanted to. Emotions.
Free choice is an amazing gift. It let's us choose our side. We can help, or we can harm. It is what let's responsibility exist.
Robots have no responsibility because they have no free choice. They must do as they are programmed to do.
Emotions are an amazing gift. They let us react to free choice. Ours or other's choices. It's what makes responsibility matter.
Robots have no responsibility because they have no emotions. They can not fathom why anything other than what they are programmed to do would matter.
Ultron has free choice. Ultron has emotions. And he uses them to make the wrong choices. Like humans sometimes do.
Ultron is a genius, he has more knowledge than every human. He knows the choices he's making are
bad. But he makes them anyway. Like humans sometimes do.
That's what scares me.
What makes good villains scary is not the death stars or or doomsday devices, but their humanity. When you see someone doing horrible acts of evil, and you relate to that person, that is what is truly scary.

I'm not going to end on that note. Because there is another side of the coin. The by product of free choice and emotions is something else: Hope.
People can be the bad guys, because they are human. But people can also be the good guys. Because they are human.
Robots are neither good guys or bad guys. They can't be. They simply act upon their programming. They have no hope.
We are humans, and we have hope. I think that is what scared Ultron.

Why this blog has been empty

If I want to make excuses, I could say I've been so busy doing all sorts of projects to actually write about the projects I'm working on. It's true, I have been working on a lot of projects and blogging about them is usually not in the forefront of my priorities.

Or I could say my parents went on an anniversary getaway recently and I had to help keep the house from falling apart while they were away. Which is also true, but the blog was inactive before that.

But honestly, these excuses are only part of the reason this blog fell by the wayside. At the heart of the problem is my insufficient use of prioritizing projects (including but not limited to this blog) and using priorities in my time management.

Or, to put it simply, I keep forgetting to write for the blog. Which is why I must examine the very reason I started this blog in the first place: to connect my mind to the real world.

See, I think a lot. I mean a lot. On the Gallup's strength finders test I was not surprised to find my top strength is intellection. (which doesn't mean I'm smart, it just means I like to think) The blog is helpful to help me get my processed thoughts down, leaving me room to move on in my thinking and giving me a chance at a tidy organized thought process.

But that's not the only reason I have this blog. On the MBTI, I'm an INTJ, a personality that comes with a lot stereotypes affiliated with it. Mostly ones involving emotionless genius villains and a few annoying genius heroes. It also means I like to plan.

So I think. I plan. And on top of that, my next strength on the list is Learner, which means the only thing that comes close to thinking on the list of things I like to do is to learn new skills. Then I think about hat I've learned. So I learn, think, plan, learn, think, plan, and then I think about ways I can continue the cycle. 

Which brings me to the other reason I have this blog. Carrying out my plans.

In this world inside my head, I come with ideas, learn skills to better these ideas, plan ways to use these ideas and skills to create something new.

But most of it is inside my head. Which is where this blog comes in. Through the power of the English language, I can take these crazy ideas and intricate plans and imprint on a page using only twenty six letters, ten numerals, some punctuation, & a few special symbols (I'm looking at you ampersand). And maybe some charts and diagrams. Those are cool too.

Because it doesn't matter how horrifyingly useless a thought is. It can't do anything while it's inside my head.